Midnight's Memories
by LivingItUp06
Summary: Ed reflects on the past and all the sacrifices made. A story in which Ed supports his brother, forms friendships with the Mustang Crew, and has a healthy amount of angst thrown in. All rights to Hiromu Arakawa. Rated T for mild language and violence.


Edward Elric tried to avoid the prying eyes of his brother as he inhaled more than his fair share of food from the table. It isn't as if there was anything better to do at this boring party that Roy - the newly elected Fuhrer- insisted he _must_ attend. He can't really remember why, but the fact stands that he is here and it appeases the pain in the ass known as his boss ( _somewhat older brother in a strangest and most unorthodox sense_ ). He isn't quite sure when it happened, but he found himself taking lunch in Roy's office and there are times when they spend hours just _talking_. It is a...

It takes every ounce of self control he can dredge up from the depths of his very soul not to turn around and glare at everything in site. After returning himself to the present ( _shouldn't go there, not with so many around_ ), he turns away to avoid those prying eyes that _know._ Not many can understand him, but his little brother can say without a doubt that Ed was one of the simplest people there are. Protect his family and friends, don't waste anything that can be used for survival, and other simple ways that make living more than just a possibility.

Yet, there are also the little things that make living less of a battle and they are what Ed holds close to his heart. His precious brother, the one that kept him from just giving up during the hard times because Alphonse is his _little brother_ and he _must_ be cared for and protected. Before her death, his fierce and loving mother was on the list; and he would do anything to keep her from shedding another tear. His childhood friend, Winry, who made the long days and difficult nights more bearable with her optimism. The relief that he does not have the additional responsibility of making sure she cared for properly. Wendy's grandmother Pinako- the old hag that she is- who looks on with knowing eyes as he _tries_ and then blessedly gives what she can. The way that the stars shine even when the night looks so dark that it should be _impossible_ for the lights to not extinguish and leave humanity to its terrible wretchedness. ( _And doesn't he know all about its vile nature._ )

More recently, others had joined the picture- despite the walls and trenches that he guards his heart with. The angry exterior and the insults put some of them off at first; however, they eventually managed to worm their way into his foolish heart. Roy, who doesn't know when to stop with his mother-henning. He hides it well and most of the outsiders form their group believe him to be a cold-hearted slavedriver. Ed knows otherwise because there is no way that his chilly comments could be taken as anything other than a lesson to keep everyone alive. Then there is Riza. Sweet, hell driven Riza managed to make her way in simply because it was her goal and duty to protect Roy. She helped the bastard through the trouble of losing his eyesight and was the one to find the doctor known to the world as Dr. Stein. She found the doctor that is currently ( _miraculously_ ) restoring his eyesight. At the moment, Roy is able to see at about forty percent. While still legally blind, he is expected to be able to make a full recovery. Then there is the Mustang Unit that all make sure that his brother and him are okay. Despite all he has been through, they still like to make it known that he is underage and, as such, should not be pulling all-nighters or inhaling outrageous quantities of coffee ( _causing him to hide instant coffee powder in his desk for when they hide the coffee machines, both the office one and his personal one_ ). They are the ones that drag him from his desk to the sofa that they bought especially for his office. The ones that cover for him so that the damn hypocrite known as Roy Mustang won't get onto his case for sleeping until noon.

 _Twitch_. He is startled out of his thoughts by the someone tapping on his shoulder and causing him to calmly turn around, hiding the fact that the person had nearly made him _jump from his own damn skin_. He glowers before recognizing Jean, one that had became his favorite cousin. ( _Of course they aren't related, but who would doubt that any of the relationships in the crazy family of misfits were lessened by the lack of blood shared; is it not enough that there was more than enough blood spilt?_ )

"Hey, what's up with ya. Ya've been spacing out all evenin'. And what's with the looks that Als givin' ya. Did somethin' happen?" he asks, obviously concerned.

It is then that he notices the multiple stares that are attempting to pry into the back of his head. He checks the clock and notice that it had been nearly three hours. Typically, he would have left with- or without- the permission of the great Fuhrer ( _more often than not being the latter case to Roy's dismay_ ). It is only then that he actually acknowledges the fact that this day wasn't the best to be going anywhere, let alone to a pointless gathering of some of the stupidest people that Amestris has to offer. A burning anger begins to rise at having to be here, worrying his friends, and most of all not being able to be around his brother today. It extinguishes itself quickly with the wave of exhaustion that overcomes him as he hasn't slept in four days and hasn't consumed any of the lifeblood known as coffee for three hours. So he decides that he need to get out of there and it was about time, too.

"Fine," he mutters as he brushes past him, swaying a little. Jean obviously doesn't believe him as he reaches out to grip his shoulder and demand answers. Yet, he hasn't managed to become a Colonel without picking up a few things. So, he evades the newly promoted General and heads to the door with those baffled eyes following him.

He steps out of the _hot_ and _repressing_ building into the street. He can feel the chilly wind sweep his blond hair, making it dance in the moonlight. ( _And if that didn't sound like the most cliche statement out of the most cheesy romance novel._ ) It isn't a bad night and he decides to make his way towards the garden that his mother would have loved. Struggling with the memories he has- through pure determination and power of will- managed to keep back for the past few days, he makes his way to the park bench that is hidden in the shadows. It is his favorite because, even though it is hidden from any that do not know that it is already there, the stars and the night are spread above him like a blanket. When he sits down and looks up to the familiar constellations, the memories completely overwhelm him.

* * *

"Mama," he whispers as he tries to comfort the sobbing figure in front of him. "What's wrong, Mama?"

She looks up with her red-rimmed eyes and notices for the first time that he is standing there. Normally he would be in bed, but he needed to use the toilet and couldn't hold it any longer.

"Nothing," she whispers back to him. Both know that it was a lie, because he may be only four, but he knew that people lie. He never expected his mama to ever lie to him, never in his worst nightmares. He also hadn't expect his father to break his word and take off- as though the family left in the ruin of his departure wasn't suffering enough. He merely bites his lip at the falsehood and look down.

"What are you doing up at this time, my precious child?" Mama asked shakily as she brushed away her tears. "Did you have a bad dream?"

He looks up from the floor and gives her a hug, "No, Mama," he draws in a shuddering breath, "Love you. Night." Then he turns around and crosses the cold floor without giving her a chance to respond. Getting back into the bed, he snuggles into the covers, tries to regain body heat, and confirms that his little brother has enough blanket. Al may be only a year younger than him, but Ed was still his older brother ( _and that means that it is his duty to take care of him, no matter what it takes_ ). So he will bear the cold night for his sake without a word of complaint. He knows that Mama is lucky enough to own the house and the land. Without it, the family of three would be on the streets at this time. So it was easy to bear the new sleeping arrangements, knowing that it could be much, _much_ worse.

* * *

It had been three months since Papa had left and it is on the back porch that he realizes that he is never coming back. It hits him like a sledgehammer. Even though he accepted that Papa was gone, it never occurred to him that the change would be definite. Yet it sinks into to his mind as Mama informs him and little Alphonse that they were going to sell some of the furniture to get more money and that Mama would need to leave at night for her second job. If Papa was here than they wouldn't need to sell the couch and the water would be warm without having to use the fire to heat it up.

It was then that he knows that he will need to help Mama to insure there is enough. He decides that he will spend less time playing around. He will work on alchemy so that Mama is happier and he will be able to get a job as an Alchemist when he is old enough. He swears that one day Mama and Al will never have to suffer the aches of hunger as they lay in bed at night, trying to go to bed. Mama would need only one job. There would be enough warm water to take an hour long shower if they had the inclination to do so. He will clean up around the house because Mama won't be here as much. She should be able to sleep and relax during the time she isn't working. It was a lot, especially for a four year old, but he would do it. Whatever it takes to make Mama and Al happy, he would do it.

* * *

It has been eight months since Papa left and he is more angry at him then he has ever been. Mama is explaining that there was something wrong within her body because of an attack on her immune system. The words that she used were large- like the words in the Alchemy books, but he was able to understand enough without the little details. His mother was _dying_ and she had, at most, a single year. He fights the tears before giving into the sadness as it tries to drown him. Grabbing Al, he approaches his Mama and just _hugs_ her. He sits there for what seems like forever before the sobs that wracked his entire body begin to lessen and sleep begin to creep into his vision. He gives in willingly as he allows his Mama to carry him towards bed, _just this one last time_.

She's gone. _She's not coming back._ _**She's gone.**_ And he cries as he and Al are left on the hillside by their mama's grave. _It's not fair, why did it have to be her. It could have been papa or me or…_ Yet he knows that his mama wasn't the only one that was lost during the epidemic. There are other family's grieving at the moment and others are preparing for the grief that will- inevitably- come. Ed loathes that fact that there is nothing that he could do. It is killing him inside to know that there is no getting her back.

The only thing that keeps him from falling into a pit of despair is Al. Little Al, sobbing simply because his older brother is, as the younger boy curls in his lap. Al doesn't understand yet that Mama won't be coming back, that she is dead. Nor could he comprehend that Papa wasn't coming back either, with the only available, harsh explanation that he doesn't want to. It is _wrong_ , Ed knows it, because little kids shouldn't be forced to grow up by themselves. That parents were supposed to be there to provide food and clothing and love. He chokes as he realizes that all of that is now his responsibility. He must make money and raise Al and somehow get an education in there somewhere.

Ed looks at little Al in his lap and stops crying, noticing that he is sleeping as he grasps his shirt in his little fingers. His birthday was last week, making him four. Ed himself turned five two months ago and it pains him that Al is so much smaller than he was when he had turned four. He picks him up and begins the long trek down the road and into the empty house. It is silent in a way that he had only noticed at night when Mama was at work. It was only him and Al, now. The last inhabitants in a patchwork house. Ed carefully lays him into the only bed remaining, the rest of the beds and most of the furniture had been sold at some point so that there was enough to get by.

Making his way into the kitchen, Ed picks up the newspaper that his mama had been reading a mere two days ago. He continues outside, towards the porch step near the lamp. He notices that the peg had fallen (again), gets down on his hands and knees, and searches. He looks up, frustrated, as he fails to locate it after a few minutes. It is then that he notice the night sky.

It spans on into edges of his vision and travels on and on and on in every direction. The stars, miniature flecks that decorated the expanse, fighting for its own little space within the multitude. And one flares, slightly to the left of the crescent moon before beginning its descent. It falls and falls before it is lost among the others. It reminds him of the butterfly that came last spring. It traveled from flower to flower in Mama's garden, spreading pollen around so that the flowers could live, only expecting a little nectar in return. It was a beautiful creature that brought prosperity to other things, causing them grow. Making them beautiful. Just like Mama. And he stares at the sky until the sun peeks over the horizon, bathing the stars with its own light.

Ed looks down. He picks up the peg revealed by the daylight, hidden inside a small crack in the ground. and places it back into the lantern. Sitting there on the third step, he began to feel as though Mama wasn't completely gone. She was only gone if he allowed her memory to be gone. He would not allow her to be forgotten.

So with the first light of the morning sun, he opens the newspaper, finds the job section, and begins to look…

* * *

"...I hate it. The disgusting secretion has never and will never appeal to me. You have it, Al. I don't want to ever drink such a horrible tasting, foul smelling drink with such questionable nutritional benefits ever again."

Ed and Al were at the dining table. There wasn't really anything different about the situation than any other meal that they shared. Excluding his apparent, newly founded hatred for milk, of course.

To be honest, Ed didn't really care. Sure, he may not particularly love drinking the stuff. It was just that he didn't hate it with such passion, either. He drank milk just as any child that wanted to please his parents would. It was especially appreciated when it was chocolate milk, too. Nowadays, he would be glad for any beverage that wasn't as bland as water. The problem was with the quantity of which they had.

Despite Ed's efforts, it was difficult to provide and care for the family of two. He worked and cleaned and studied and did everything he could to keep them alive and happy. He isn't sure how his mother managed it for all those years.

Al helps out around the house now and Ed feels slightly better knowing that his brother knows that he is trying his best. His best is usually not enough, unfortunately. There are not many businesses in Resembool, period. It was a simple town with all the necessities, after all. The problem lies in how few of the businesses were willing to hire a six year old. So Ed does odd jobs. Delivering newspapers, picking weeds from gardens, fixing a few things around the neighborhood, painting house and fences, etc. He is typically working all day and sometimes the grocery store allows him to stock the shelves at night. ( _He wonders why anyone would leave them to their own fate. Surely, the residents of Resembool have more heart than to leave a six and five year old, respectively, to fend for themselves._ )

They are still alive, thanks to the fruits of his labor. An entire year had gone by and Ed had managed to pull in enough money and goods that they were fed, they had warm water without the use of a fire, and they were mostly happy. Despite this, there were still the nights when there wouldn't be food until tomorrow, when they would need to use the planks from the back porch for warmth, and the clothes that they wore were patched up (as there wasn't enough to buy new ones yet). One such night was tonight. They were out of milk and, generally, everything else.

The grand menu of the night was peanut butter and jelly on stale bread and not nearly enough peanut butter to go around. As such, Ed willingly gave Al the larger portion of the peanut butter. Now he is giving his milk, too. And the look that Al is giving him is one that says 'I may be five, but I'm not stupid'. Being the good, kind little brother he is, he doesn't call out the obvious lie. And merely drinks the offered drink with a quiet "Thanks, Nii-san".

Al is still growing and Ed wouldn't allow his progression to be hampered due to his older brother's shortcomings. Ed would make sure that Al would be healthy and happy. No matter what he had to do, Al would be okay.

* * *

 _ **To be continued...**_

* * *

 **Timeline according to Manga (borrowed from wikia):**

1899: Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell are born

1900: Alphonse Elric is born

1904: Hohenheim leaves the house

Trish falls to the plague

1908: In the summer, Ed and Al are accepted by Izumi Curtis as apprentices.

In the winter, they complete their training and return to Resembool.

1910: Ed and Al attempt to perform human transformation and fail.

Ed has two limbs replaced by automail.

1911: In October, Ed becomes a State Alchemist.

On October 3, the Elrics burn down their house in Resembool.

1913: Fullmetal Alchemist and Flame Alchemist battle at Central Command.

1914: Ed and Al uncover Father Cornello's scheme at Reole.

 **Timeline in Midnight's Memories:**

1899: Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell are born

1900: Alphonse Elric is born

1903: Hohenheim leaves the house

1904: Trish falls to the plague

Ed starts doing odd jobs

1905: Ed discovers his "hatred" for milk


End file.
